hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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