I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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