You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
