I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
