My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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