I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
