i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
