Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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