We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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