Say something about gay babies.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
