I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
This is the prime rib incident all over again
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
