sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
