So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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