Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
