thus making me awesome and them whores
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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