Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
