I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Can I color on your dick again?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
