DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
