I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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