Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
