i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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