he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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