i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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