fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
