Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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