He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
