If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
