I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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