made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
