You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Someone came in the potted fern
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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