is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
She announced her abortion via fbk
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
