Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I FOUND THE LEGS
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
