Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
