Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
