After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Randomize