Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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