Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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