Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
