Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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