The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You're a waste of cheezeits
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
