had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize