On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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