it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize