Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
