so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
