i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
