Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I want a musical about memes.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize