trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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