that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
