It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize