we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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