I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
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