Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
