wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize