She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize