mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
