So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just had sex on a roof
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
