It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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