She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
