If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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