I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
