Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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