it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
