I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
