Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
