The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
