at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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