My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
