Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
