Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
