i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
