My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
where are you?
Hypothermia
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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