I look better un-naked...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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