I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
