drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
