Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
