.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
