my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
