he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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