i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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