Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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