would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
