god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize