Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
