Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
