Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
