DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
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