remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
