I CAN MOONWALK!
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
