I'd wear matching sweaters with you
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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