dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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