We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize